Here’s a little something to cheer up the Monday blues!
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered.” The second surgeon says, “Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” Third surgeon says, “Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded.” The fourth one says, “I prefer Scottish rugby players. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable.”
A rugby referee died and went to heaven. Stopped by St Peter at the gates he was told that only brave people who had performed heroic deeds and had the courage of their convictions could enter. If the ref could describe a situation in his life where he had shown these characteristics, he would be allowed in.
“Well,” said the ref, “I was reffing a game between Northern Transvaal and Natal at Loftus Versveld. Northerns were 2 points ahead, 1 minute to go. The Natal wing made a break, passed inside to his lock. The lock was driven on by his forwards, passed out to the flanker who ducked blind and went over in the corner. However, the flanker dropped the ball before he could ground it, and as Natal were clearly the better side all game, I ruled that he had dropped the ball down, not forward, and awarded the try.”
“OK, that was fairly brave of you, but I will have to check it in the book.” says Peter, and disappears to look it up. When he comes back he says “Sorry, there is no record of this. Can you help me to trace it? When did all this happen?”
The ref looked at his watch and replied “45 seconds ago.”
Van der Merwe was watching a rugby test against the British Lions at Loftus Versfeld stadium in Pretoria. In the packed stadium, there was only one empty seat – next to Van der Merwe.
“Who does that seat belong to?” asked his neighbour.
“It’s for my wife.”
“But why isn’t she here?”
“So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?”
“They’ve all gone to the funeral.”
The All Blacks were playing England and after the half time whistle blew They found themselves up by 50 points to nil with Jonah Lomu scoring 8 tries on his own. The rest of the team decided to go down to the pub instead of playing the second half and told Jonah that he was on his own.
“No problems”, Jonah told the captain, “I’ll come down after the game and report back.”
Well, after the game Jonah found the rest of the team at the pub. “What was the final score Jonah?” asked one of the players. “Sorry guys, but it ended up 95 points to 3.”
“What!!!!!?”, exclaimed the captain. “How did you let them get 3 points????” To which Jonah replied, “I got sent off with 20 minutes to go”.
A rugby player from Cardiff is having a quiet drink in a Sydney Bar. He leans over to the big guy next to him and says, “Do you wanna hear an Aussie joke?”. The big guy replies, “Well mate, before you tell that joke you should know something: I’m six feet tall, 105kgs and I’m a Wallaby forward. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 115kgs and he’s an ex-Wallaby. Next to him is a bloke who’s 6’5″ weighs 120kgs and he’s a current Wallaby second-rower. Now, do you still want to tell that Aussie joke?”.
The Welshman says, “Nah….. not if I’m going to have to explain it three times”.
Travelling in a train were a Wallaby, an All Black, a spectacular looking blonde and an older lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel the Wallaby had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
(1) The blonde thought – “That horrible Wallaby wanted to touch me and by mistake he must have put his hand on the lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.”
(2) The older lady thought – “This dirty Wallaby laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.”
(3) The Wallaby thought – “That bloody All Black put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.”
(4) The All Black thought – “I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid Wallaby again.”
Q. Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?
A. Because it saves time!
Snow White returned to the cottage to find it had burned down. Distraught, she searches for the dwarfs in the forest and hears a lone voice chanting, “Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup.” On hearing this, Snow White gave a little sigh of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe
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